Radical Self Love

Radical self love is a concept that I think we could all learn a little something about. Really the idea is that even though there are so many external and internal forces telling us not to love ourselves the way we are, we love ourselves anyway.

Putting something like radical self love into practice can feel difficult because it’s the total opposite of what we’re used to doing. Diet culture tells us that we need to be smaller to be confident.  Toxic “wellness” culture tells us that we need to do better or “eat more clean” to be worthy. Hustle culture is tess us that we need to be more productive to be good enough. It goes on, and on. 

Mainstream society makes us feel like we’re broken. And that we always need to be pursuing something in order to “fix” the way we are. I love the way this quote sums it all up: 

“In a world where self-hatred is a multi billion-dollar industry, loving yourself is a revolutionary act.” – Gala Darling 

What is Radical Self Love? 

It’s the unconditional love and respect for yourself and your body. It’s about knowing that you’re inherently worthy, no matter what your body size, weight, shape, colour, etc. is. And then acting in accordance with that inherent worthiness. 

Within Health defines radical self love as: “Radical self-love is an ongoing process that involves unlearning toxic beliefs about inferiority and body image and replacing them with self-acceptance and compassion. And it’s not just a belief that you are more than good enough; it’s taking action by caring for your body and mind.” 

An amazing book that covers the concept of radical self love is The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renae Taylor (*contains Amazon affiliate link). 

What makes it “radical”? 

The “radical” part of radical self love means that we’re no longer settling for the conditioning that we’ve been taught by society. It means that you are inherently worthy of love from yourself (and others) just as you are. No changes required.  

Radical self love is all about taking your power back. It’s about empowering yourself and choosing to care and love yourself regardless of external validation. It’s about knowing that you are worthy of all the things you desire in life just as you are right now. In the body that you live in right now! 

This goes against all the systemic issues within society making all of us feel like we’re never good enough. This is really challenging our worldview as a whole.

For a great context of the even deeper layers of this concept, watch Sonya Renea Taylor describe radical self love in this video – it’s impactful and you probably don’t want to skip it!

Does “Self Love” Feel Icky to You? 

Maybe you’re thinking, “okay these seems great and all, but I don’t LOVE the body that I’m in, how am I supposed to radically love myself?!” This is totally valid. Especially if you zoom out and think about how many people on this planet are unhappy in their lives just because their body isn’t the size they want it to be. 

Jumping from a place of self-hatred to a place of self-love can often feel like a big jump. 

This is why I love to teach my clients the progression of body image work as a spectrum from body hatred, to body neutrality, to body acceptance, to body love. We never stay in just one place of the spectrum, but moving towards the more positive feelings and having our baseline be a place of neutrality. 

Swap the words

Back to our concept of radical self love. If focusing on the “love” part of this is getting you caught up, maybe try shifting that word to something else like care, respect, compassion, or kindness. 

That might just shift things to get your brain on your side as you begin to warm up to this concept! 

How to Practice Radical Self Love 

Take Care of Yourself Authentically 

Self care is an act of self love. We can bring in the “radical” element through caring for ourselves based on our own intuition & inner wisdom rather than listening to all the “shoulds” of society. 

This could look like:

• Eating consistent meals and snacks throughout the day 
• Nourishing your body with a variety of foods – nutrient-dense foods + fun foods 
• Resting even if your mind tells you that you “should be doing something productive” 
• Not forcing yourself into exercise when your body is saying no

Ditching the Diet Mentality 

You are not something that needs to be “fixed” with a diet. Letting go of this weird society norm we have of always striving to be on a diet or lose weight is freeing. 

It may feel difficult to leave the world of dieting behind. But let me tell you, it is so so worth it once you do. Take it from someone who used to be stuck in dieting myself – I never thought there could possibly be another way. Then intuitive eating entered my life and I never turned back. 

Treat Your Body with Respect 

Potentially the most “radical” of all. Bodies are portrayed a certain way in our twisted society. Especially in the land of diet culture. From a young age we’re bombarded with messages of “thin = successful, happy, confident” and “fat = lazy, sad, and not confident.” This the furthest thing from the truth! 

It may feel “true” to you when you read those statements. But that’s likely from all the conditioning over the years that you have taken on that belief.

The truth is, all humans, in any body size can inherently be successful, happy, and confident. No matter your body size, you can be all the things you desire.

Yes, there is a need to say that there are certain systemic issues that create inequities for folks who may live in larger bodies. This is where the whole concept of thin privilege comes in too, but that’s all a topic for another article, hopefully coming soon.  

One tip I have for you here to treat your body with respect, or with radical self-love is to no longer hold yourself back from what you truly want in life because of your body’s size. Try to just go for it. You deserve it! 

Treat Yourself with Compassion, Even if You “Mess Up”

This is a big one! Especially if you’re someone who struggles with binge eating, overeating, or emotional eating. Often if we find ourselves in the time after a binge we can be so hard on ourselves. The negative inner critic comes out, and we talk to ourselves with a lot of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Treating yourself like that often just leads to more spiraling about the situation. And often just makes things worse, not better. So lets take the radical self love route and switch that up with some self compassion.

Some Examples:

• Instead of saying “I shouldn’t have done that”
  • Try, “Okay, that happened. It’s okay, let’s just continue to move forward”
• Instead of saying “I’m so bad for doing that”
  • Try, “That doesn’t make me a bad person, I’m human and I’m not perfect”
• Instead of saying “I need to be better”
  • Try, “I can learn from this experience and see how I can try things differently for next time”

The Ultimate Radical Self Love Question 

Here’s a question that you can apply to (nearly) any situation to embody radical self love. Just ask yourself this question and see what comes to mind. Let your intuition flow, get curious about what comes up, and never judge your thoughts. And that question is: 

“If I were living as my highest self right now, how would I be showing up?” 

In other words – If you were the version of you who felt worthy, authentic, and embodied, right now, without any changes, what would you be doing?

Use this question to notice any potential mis-matches between what your “highest self” and your current self are doing. This often sheds light on how we’re acting in accordance with society’s beliefs that have been instilled in us, not from our authentic, inherently worthy selves. 

It’s Time for Some Radical Self Love

Now that we’ve cleared the air about what radical self love is, what makes it radical, some examples, and tips for how to practice it. How will you practice this concept in your life? 

I’m going to challenge you to take one thing that stuck out to you from this article and apply it to your life this week. Maybe even shoot for trying it out today if you can! The sooner the better. Because learning all this information can be wonderful and all, but nothing changes until you take action. 

If you need more support on your journey, check out my intuitive eating services and programs here or my free binge eating quiz here. I’m over here rooting for you, always!